What is the meaning of Sita Kalyanam?

Satsang by Swami Satyananda

Last year we called it Rama Vivaha. Vivaha means to carry. The connotation is that you carry a girl to your own home by marriage. But this year I have named it Kalyanam because a man does good to a woman by marrying her. Sita Kalyanam means 'welfare, well-being'. Through marriage two types of well-being are attained, social as well as spiritual. In our age-old idiom, marriage is called kalyanam. Mangalam, kalyanam, vivaha and parinasa are all synonyms.

The purpose of organizing this grand wedding ceremony is significant and meaningful. In this region a girl child in the family is considered to be a matter of anxiety and worry. For the poor parents, daughters are a burden because it is beyond their means to get them married. The rich do not have this problem, but marriage is an extremely costly affair for the poor and needy. Therefore, I decided to ease their burden by organizing Sita's wedding, thereby doing good to the young brides of these families. Through this wedding celebration I ensure the welfare of many young girls whom I have accepted as my own daughters.

As sannyasins we cannot take part in the wedding celebration, but we can certainly help the parents by arranging the dowry. This is another purpose behind calling the celebration Sita Kalyanam. Last year when we called it Rama Vivaha we were given nothing except chocolates, sweets and blankets. These are not dowry items. For a dowry, gold, silver, pearls, diamonds, gems, saris, ornaments, watches and such fineries are given, as are cycles, motorbikes, television sets and other such articles.

This year I asked the mukhia, the chief of the village, to provide a list of all the newly married girls who are on their way to their husbands' homes. He gave me the names of two hundred and fifty such brides. I told him to spread the news that all these brides would be gifted with good luck kits on the 4th of December, the occasion of Sita Kalyanam. At that time I had nothing to offer them. My coffers were empty, yet I went ahead and extended the invitation to all the young girls in the vicinity.

When I first thought of Sita Kalyanam, nobody understood the purpose behind it, but once we announced it as the occasion of Sita Vivaha, we were flooded with dowry items. Bundles and bundles of gifts started pouring in. In fact, we had no place to store them. Four centres fulfilled the target and sent one hundred and eight good luck kits each. My point is that whatever work you undertake must have a good intention, a purpose of doing good to others. I have been harping on this single point.


Debt to mother
Now the thought comes, what is the philosophy behind such celebrations? Philosophy of action is never abstract; it has a basis in fact. As a sannyasin and as a man I am indebted to my mother. When I talk like this I represent all men. We are all indebted to our mothers. I am indebted to my mother who gave me the secrets of success in life, who guided me and put me on the right path, from whom I imbibed all the good samskaras that percolate through the pores of my body and the whole of my being, and who also let me go and leave home in search of God. You may write off any other debt in this world except the debt to your mother. Even God, Lord Rama, had to discharge the debt towards his mother when he incarnated as a human being. Mother is the life giver, the jnana giver, the samskara giver. She shapes the destiny of her child.

Just as the future of a tree is embedded in the seed, the destiny of a child is imprinted in the womb of the mother. If the woman goes astray, the man too goes astray. Whenever a child errs, it is neither the fault of the son, the daughter or society. The blame lies entirely with the mother. You may like it or dislike it, that is up to you to decide, but I must tell you the truth. If the seed is faulty, the tree cannot be strong. You may make liberal use of pesticides and fertilizers, but it will prove futile. It is essential that the mother, the nourisher and procreator, is beautiful. It matters little whether she is an ordinary woman or an extraordinary woman.

Today, at the age of seventy-five, I hold my mother exclusively responsible for everything I have achieved and lost in my life so far, for everything that I have thought and done. Therefore, my first priority is to repay my mother. Now what can be done to clear this debt? In India, the majority of women are exploited and downtrodden. Maybe only point nought one percent of women are the exception. An ordinary woman has no means of education, advancement or legal protection, and it is we who have deprived her of all these things. Therefore, I proclaim it as the duty of each and every sannyasin to help and support these women.

I am not a great man. I am a small man living in a small place, so I decided to begin in a small way. Even if I can bring about the upliftment of a limited number of girls, my life will have become worthwhile and I will be satisfied. I don't think I am responsible for all the women of India or Asia. After all, a Muslim can venture only up to the mosque. Therefore, I decided to undertake Sita Kalyanam within the confines of my neighbourhood.

I try to help the girls of this region through education. Sita Kalyanam is also organized for this purpose. I have observed that girls have a special fondness for certain things in life. First and foremost, the girl who wants to survive and make headway needs stability and security. This is a female's inborn nature. I want to help these women who want to preserve their femininity instead of imitating the rough and tough ways of the male. Wherever she goes, I want her to be the ruler and the queen. Thirdly, women are fond of jewellery and ornaments to beautify themselves with. When you present a sari, a diamond ring or even just a small ornament to a girl or a woman, she is always very pleased. This is her characteristic feature. Therefore, I will give her all the three things here and receive the cooperation of all and sundry.